Are you looking for ways to turn the page to the next chapter of the adventure story you’re truly meant to live? Author Kare Anderson, in her book, Moving From Me to We, writes about how to pull people closer and collaborate productively. She has spent the past decade translating behavioral research into ways to bring out the better side of others. Kare is a Forbes and Huffington Post columnist, and we welcome her to our blog today:
Mentors: What is a way to attract support?
Kare: Speak sooner to the specific ways your idea benefits others, praising the part of them that they most value.
Mentors: What is one way I can get a deeper understanding of what most matters to them?
Kare: Make a comment that so interests them that they ask a question. Answer warmly, vividly yet briefly so they want to learn more and ask a follow-up question. Answer the same way so they ask a third question which often reveals their strongest interest/desire or fear/worry.
Hint: We are far more revealing by the questions we ask than the answers we give
Mentors: What are some sensory ways to connect?
Kare: Sidle: stand or sit more or less side-by-side rather than directly facing someone as we women are most likely to do
Walk together, getting in sync.
Avoid patterns on the upper half of your body as it shortens attention span, as do patterns behind you when meeting in person
Have more curves in the setting in which you meet such as oval tables, rugs, mirrors.
Give them a warm drink to hold as it literally makes them warm up to you.
Mentors: What are ways we inadvertently alienate others?
Kare: Having a harsh or even neutral facial expression (more likely to have in repose after age 30 + happening more by looking at smart phones – “screen face” I call it), rather than a warm, open and inviting expression (true, not fake smile +slightly uplifted eyebrows, etc.)
When responding to others’ comments, reverting the conversation back to your example rather than following up on their line of thinking or feeling – a rapidly growing phenomenon
Moving or speaking fast and/or high and/or loudly, without a melodic flow to your voice; using rapid, sharp gestures, especially above the waist
Boasting, even in a humble way
Mentors: What is one way to become more quotable?
Kare: Make your message vividly specific and brief, almost as vital as A.I.R. Actionable. With Interestingness. Relevant to the other person.
Mentors: Thanks, Kare, for showing us how to attract the people we want in our lives and create more meaningful connections. On the web, learn about Kare and her book at SayItBetter.com.
Readers, now it’s your turn to make comments or ask Kare questions. So let’s get started……..