finding a mate in mid-life

“Gorgeous Grandma’s” Story: The Single Life is Not For Me

I hated being single. I really missed the company of a man.
I am from a generation where my identity was being a wife.
Without the marriage, I felt I had no identity. At least with
a man, I felt useful and worthwhile. I was also very lonely.
I missed being one-half of a relationship.

My social life was terrible. I was over fifty and still
attractive, but perhaps not young enough. I didn’t know how
to begin to meet men who I felt would be of interest to me.
I attended work-related social functions and a few singles
dances. I placed personal ads in selected magazines and
newspapers. Yet I met very few men with whom I wished to

I didn’t like making conversation with strangers; I didn’t like
feeling rejected; I didn’t like dating a variety of men; I
didn’t like the disappointment of most men not being the man
of my dreams. Once in a while I would meet a man who was
interesting, but I never dated anyone for very long. I was
looking for a husband and most men didn’t fit the bill.

I had a series of relationships that just didn’t work in the
long run – blind dates, long distance relationships, dates with
newly separated men. I think I stayed in these relationships
longer than I should have because I found it much more fun
socializing with my friends in the company of a man than it was
all by myself.

As time went on, I realized I was my own worst enemy when it
came to dating. I had set standards for a man that were
unattainable. I decided that if I didn’t want to live alone
for the rest of my life, I had better revise those standards.
Rather than a long list of criteria that a man had to have
before I would consider him a worthwhile candidate, I chopped
that list down to three.

It seemed to work for me! I now have been living with a
wonderful man for almost six years. I met him on a blind date.
He is 5’5″, I am 5’8″ (I had wanted tall). He doesn’t dance
(I love to and had wanted a man who did). Now I have that
very special fellow who loves me and respects and appreciates
my work. What else could a woman want?

Stepping Stones: Putting a Man in Your Life

“Gorgeous Grandma” has outlined some of the steps it takes
to find a companion, mate or lover at this stage in our lives.

Timing: Recognize when you are ready to put yourself back
out into the world.

Education: Familiarize yourself with the singles world by
utilizing books, seminars and the internet.

Courage: Be willing to take risks and face possible rejection.

Realistic Expectations: Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist and you
probably wouldn’t want him anyway!

Take Action: Get back into the habit of socializing.

Adaptability: Be flexible, open-minded, creative and try
something new.

Utilize resources: Consider dating services and being fixed
up by friends. Personal ads and the internet are available
but make sure you investigate them carefully.

Open-up: Live your life as if you mean it and you’ll meet
active, like-minded people. Explore new hobbies, volunteer
work and leisure activities.

Tenacity: Don’t get discouraged; this could be a long process
but well worth the effort.

Believe in yourself and you’ll attract people who
want to be with you!

Recommended Resources: Books and Websites to Explore

This website is full of information and resources for single
women who are interested in finding companionship. Visiting
this site may be a simple, non-threatening way to begin this

“The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again” by Tina Tessina

This is a comprehensive guide that offers encouragement and
good ideas for women re-entering the dating scene. It provides
tools for assessing needs, researching options and
making decisions.

“Sex over 50” by Joel Block and Susan Crain Bakos, 1999.

This practical book offers realistic information about how
to develop a richer, more intimate sexual relationship. It
dispels myths about sex over 50 and helps the reader
overcome physical and mental obstacles to sexual satisfaction.

Our Invitation to You

Do you have your own transition story? We invite you to
share it with our readers for the benefit of women who
themselves may be dealing with similar changes. The skills you
used may be Stepping Stones for others. If you are interested,
please e-mail us.

(c) HerMentorCenter, 2002